Feelling depressed…

Hello World,

It’s been almost a whole week since I posted anything here.

I have been feeling down, depressed and sad these last few days.

As those of you who have read my posts before, the last time I wrote was to inform you that I didn’t get the surgery that I was so excited for. Instead, I got a tumor removed from my stomach. I was very thankful that the surgeon found it and decided that was more important than any weight loss surgery. I really was very grateful.

As the days passed by (almost 2 weeks) I started to feel ..”why me”???  I really despise this self pity, annoying, selfish, self absorbed person.

Then today, talking to my sister, I realized that I haven’t taken my antidepressant for almost 2 weeks. The doctors told me not to take any of my meds for about a week before the surgery, and I just completely forgot to start taking them after I  left the hospital. I have been on this medication for years, and without it, it’s like a dark cloud is over my head (just like the commercials).

Well…no more!!! I already took my today’s dose and pretty soon, I’m back to my old self!!!!!

See you!!

PS: Do any of you who have had this surgery, have had a burning sensation on your belly??? Like someone is pressing a red hot iron to your stomach (on the outside)???  ***Let me know I’m curious to see if anyone else went or is going through the same thing***

Smiley or Sad Checkboxes on Blackboard - Chalkboard


Hello world! I didn’t write the week before my surgery. I think that I was more nervous that I wanted to admit. I was anxious about what to expect, how my life was going to change, and if I was ready to face this new phase iny life. 

As you know, if you read my post before, my surgery was at for May 4th. As an expecting mother I got into a serious case of “nesting”. I cleaned my house top to bottom, did laundry, organized my closets, sent E-mails long overdue, got rid of junk mail …. You get the idea, I was ready for my recovery time.

I didn’t sleep well the night before.

So… Monday May 4th was finally here !!!

I went to the hospital, got there half an hour early just to be safe. Changed my clothes, and waited to be called, and waited (I got there at 5:30am).

At 11:30 it’s my turn!! A nurse came to get me and I see my sister waiting outside (picture please)!!! 


Looking at my face, you know how excited I was!!!! Super happy!!!

I don’t remember much after this moment, thank God, right? ( I do remember thinking that I didn’t tell my  mother, sisters and niece that I loved them) 😞

After that the next thing I can remember it was that awful moment when they want to you wake up,  the esthesiologist tells you to cough and take deep breaths (not bothering to take that tube out of your mouth first),  I felt like I was dying!!!! And I slept again! 

When I came out of my beauty sleep, my surgeon came to talk to me and said… 

“We could not do the sleeve procedure on you, because we found a tumor on your stomach and it had to be removed”. They sent to be analyzed and we’ll get the results in 5 to 6 days I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

  • It wa a moment of Thank God!!! And at the same time,  %{#?£~>&@$!/:);##*!👿😤😫😩🙀😿😵😤

The good news is that they are still going to do the surgery in the near future… Maybe even in a month from now!!!!💥💥💥

 Post surgery picture 

What a wonderful feeling!!

Hello world!!

I haven’t said this, but I don’t like scales. I rarely step on one to check my weight.

I know when I gain or loose weight when my knees and feet “tell me”, and boy they can be very loud!!!

So, as the day of my surgery approaches, I have to get some things necessary for a few days at the hospital, you know, a robe, slippers, toiletries etc.

With that in mind I went to the local mall and walked around, and walked, and walked some more.

I was feeling upbeat, happy. I thought that the cause was the music, I had my favorite radio station on in my phone and earpieces on…I was keeping  tempo with the music!!!

Raquel Gudiri's photo.

It was a long afternoon, I went to a lot of stores, TJMaxx, Target, Marshalls, Bed Bath and Beyond, Dress Barn and etc… some I even came inside more than once to make sure I did check every possible rack.

It took me a while to realize that I was feeling good, no pain in my joints. My knees, ankles and feet were doing their job quietly!!

That was a real fantastic moment!!!

I’m on the 9th day of the liquid diet in preparation for my surgery, and I must  have lost a good 10 pounds!!! (didn’t check), but by the way I was feeling, I’m sure of if!!!

What a wonderful feeling!!!

I haven’t been able to take a long walk without pain for about 5 years 😦

The experience  made me even more certain that I have to do whatever it takes to have a lighter, healthier and happier life!! This surgery is my big chance.

Agora em Portugues!

Eu nunca disse isso, mas eu nao gosto de balancas, eu raramente piso em uma para checar o meu peso.

Eu sei quando ganho ou perco peso quando os meus joelhos, tornozelos e pes me dizem, e eles gritam muito alto!!

Como o dia da minha operacao se aproxima eu tempo que comprar algumas coisas necessarias para algums dias no hospital, como um ropao, chinelos e “toiletries”.

Com isso na mente, eu fui ao shopping center local, e andei, e andei e andei um pouco  mais.

Eu estava me sentido bem, pra cima, feliz. Eu pensei que era por causa da musica, eu tinha a minha estacao de radio favorita no meu telephone e earpieces nos ouvidos, eu estava mantendo o passo com a musica!!

Foi  uma tarde longa. Eu fui ha TJMaxx, Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Marshalls, Dress Bar…em algumas eu fui mais de uma vez, para ter certeza de que eu chequei todo os cabides!

Demorou um pouco para eu me dar conta de que eu estava me sentindo be, sem dor nas juntas. Meus joelhos, tornozelos e pes estavam fazendo o trabalho deles quietamente, sem reclamar!!!

Foi um momento realmente fantastic!!!

Eu estou no nono  dia da dieta liquida em preparacao para a minha cirurgia, e eu ja devo ter perdido uns 5 quilos, (nao chequei) mas do jeito que me sentia tenho quase certeza.

Que sentimento maravilhoso!!!

Eu nao tenho sido capaz de dar uma caminhada longa sem dor por mais ou menos 5 anos!!!

Esta experiencia me deixou ainda mais certa de que tenho que fazer o que for preciso para ter uma vida mais leve, saudavel e feliz!!!

Indian Flavor

Hello world!!

One of my biggest fear about my new life style, is the fact that eating is such a huge part of getting together with family and friends… will I be able  to go out, have fun  and not jeopardize my goal?


Yesterday I went to my niece’s college with her mother to bring her boxes so she can pack her stuff for the summer break.

When we got there it was around 2pm already, and my niece and her boyfriend hadn’t had lunch yet and they we starving…so they took us out to lunch.

Well…big problem, since my sister and I (she is doing it to help) are on a very strict diet of protein shakes and some vegetables.

We went to an Indian Restaurant in Bedford, NY, Little Kebab is the name of it. Very cute place, a complicated menu and strange food (to me).

So, what to eat? Everything had lots of cream, cheese, bread, rice,  lamb, chicken etc…

I finally decided to have a salad, hold the cheese, the croutons, the bread, the  dressing and etc…,

Chefs hate that, but what is a girl to do??

And a tall glass of water!

I have one thing to say, I was very proud of me and my sister, because my niece and boyfriend are not on a diet, and they ate a dish with chicken, lots of a very delicious looking cream and rice. I love rice!!!

But I showed myself that even though is hard to do it, I can still go out with friends and family where food is involved and keep myself from eating what I shouldn’t.

If we are keeping points, one goes to me!!!


Now, in Portugues


Um dos meus maiores medos neste novo estilo de vida, e o fato de que comer faz uma parte tao grande nos programas com familias e amigos…Serei eu capaz de sair, me diverter, e nao arriscar a minha meta?

Ontem eu fui a faculdade da minha sobrinha com a minha Irma, para levar caixas para ela empacotar as coisas dela para as ferias de verao.

Quando chegamos la, ja eram 2 horas da tarde, minha sobrinha e o namorado dela nao haviam comido ainda e estavam morrendo de fome… e eles nos levaram para almocar fora.

Nos fomos a um Restaurante Indiano, em Bedford, NY. O nome to restaurant era “Little Kebab”. Uma gracinha de lugar, um menu complicado e comida estranha (para mim).

Entao….o que comer, tudo tinha muito crème, queijo, pao, arroz, carneiro, frango e etc…

Eu finalmente decidi pedir a salada, sem  queijo, sem pao, sem molho etc.

Chefes nao gostam disso, mas o que uma pessoa pode fazer?

E um copo grande de agua!!

Eu tenho uma coisa para dizer, eu estou super orgulhosa de mim e minha Irma! Porque minha sobrinha e o namorado dela (Gary) nao estao fazendo dieta e comeram um prato com frango, um crème que parecia estar delicioso a muito arroz, eu adoro arroz!!!

Mas eu mostrei para mim mesma que mesmo que seja dificil, eu posso continuar sair com amigos onde ha comida, e nao comer o que nao devo!!!

Se estamos contando pontos , um vai para mim!!!!!


Para a minha familia e amigos no Brasil! (Traducao do Blog em Ingles)

Meu nome e Raquel, conhecida como Teo pela minha familia e amigos no Brasil.

Eu decidi criar este Blog para as pessoas me acompanharem nesta nova fase em minha vida!

Dia 4 de Maio eu entrarei na faca para ter a sirurgia Bariatrica.

Isto e uma coisa que quero fazer a muito tempo e eu gostaria de compartilhar com todos voces minha experiencia antes e depois da sirurgia.

Eu gostaria de ler suas estorias, conselhos, dicas e comentarios que possam me ajudar!!!

Beijos a todos

2 weeks to go!!

Hello world!!

Today I start the last phase of the preparation for the bariatric surgery.
For the next 2 weeks I have to go into a liquid diet. I have to drink 3 protein shakes a day with no sugar and no calorie liquids.
Now… you have to understand that as a Brazilian, I grew up drinking coffee. I remember having for breakfast bread with butter, a glass of coffee with milk, and lots of sugar. I’ve never lost my love for it, sometimes I make a fresh pot late at night. I even learned to have it without sugar (ok…now and then I still have a cup with 3 sugars). Now, I’m allowed only a single cup of coffee per day!!! It will be very hard, but I will do it!
I will do whatever it takes for this surgery to work!!

Raquel Gudiri's photo.

New York, New York!!

Hello word!

Last week my cousin from Brazil and his wife came to the US for a Coffee Expo in Seattle, and they took a few extra days to stop by to see us first.

Since they had only a few days, we tried to show them as much of the city as we could. So on Monday April 13th it was my day to take them out and about.

We went to the New York Public Library, I introduced them to Patient and Fortitude (gorgeous lions). The building is so beautiful and full of details, I was sorry we didn’t have more time to explore it.

We also went to the Grand Central Terminal. Fantastic place!!! So big, so full of movement, life and noise. We loved it!!! Again, sorry, not enough time!

Then we met with my lovely, wonderful, sweet and gorgeous niece Melanie, who came from college to keep us company.

From there we took the train and went to The Statue of Liberty, a little cold, but a wonderful ride on the ferry. It’s a great outing, so much fun!

After that, my cousin had to see the 9/11 Monument, so we walked there (W-A-L-K-E-D), they made something beautiful out of such a huge tragedy!

They wanted to see the Bull…I said forget the bull…a bull is a bull, when you go back to Brazil, see a real one and imagine it being made of metal!!!!

Ok, so from 9/11 Monument they had to see the Brooklyn Bridge, I said ok!!!!

I got them to where the wood part began and said to them “here is far enough for me, I will sit in this nice little bench and you guys can go and check the rest of the bridge”. They went and for about 30 minutes I sat on that bench and didn’t move a muscle!!!!

I almost cried when I saw them coming back, because it meant I had to get up and walk again (W-A-L-K)!!!

Did I mention that New York is a City better seen walking??? NO?? Well… it is!!!
So, when they finished  with the Brooklyn Bridge, we decided to go home.

I said a little prayer of thanks to God and we took the train to the station so we could take the bus to my sister’s house in Fort Lee.

Did we stop on the right station? No!!! We took the wrong train and passed it quite a lot. We had to go upstairs, downstairs (no escalators!!!) to get to the right train.

By this time, my brain is fried, my back hurts, my knees are on fire, my ankles are breaking and my poor, sorry feet are silently crying!!!!

When we got to the Port Authority, it was around 7:30pm, we had been walking and going up and downstairs since 9am, I was DONE for the day.

You, my friend, might ask me…. Raquel, weren’t they tired too??? The answer to this question would be in big, capital letters, NO!! Because when we were almost inside the Port Authority, they saw a sign for the Carlos Bakery!!!

The Cake Boss show is HUGE in Brazil right now, and nothing I could said would’ve made any difference, because they need to take a picture with Carlos’ cardboard picture, and order cupcakes….well, I had one too, because after the day I had I deserved a cupcake and I ate it too!!!

Then, we finally went to my sister’s house!!!

This long, exhausted, painful but fun day, reminded me that even though I want to lose a bunch of weight, look better, and most of all feel better, I love this body that has taken me wherever I want or need to go.

Ps: I think that I should mention that I had never been to most of this places. I have been living 30 minutes away from one of the most exciting, fun, energizing places in the world for over 24 years and I never go there and enjoy it. Of all the places visited that day, I had seen only the Statue of Liberty….That’s a shame…. One of my plans for when some of the weight is gone is to go out more and see, really SEE what is out there!!!

It’s getting closer!!!!

Hello word!

Today I had the last tests for my bariatric surgery.

The time is coming that I won’t have to “roll into myself” when in a bus, so someone can sit beside me. You, chubby ones out there, know what I mean. When you get on the bus and get a seat, hoping that it won’t get full, but when it does, you lift your arm to the window, touch your hip to the side and cross your arms on top of you, so you get a little narrower…It’s something you have to see to understand… it’s a little funny.

What it’s not funny, is when you sit close to someone on a bus, only to have that person get up and stand for the rest of the trip. It has happened to me and it’s very humiliating, some people can be very cruel!!!

So, yes. I’m very excited for my day under the knife, and looking forward to the day when I can get into any kind of transportation, being that a car, a bus, a train or a plane and not worry if I will fit into them and not bother anyone with my size.

Why can’t big people’s clothes be made longer?

Hello world!!!

Today is Sunday, April 12th, around 11:50am.

Since I decided to have the stomach reduction surgery, I have been thinking about what upsets me the most about being fat.

One of the reasons is the fact that 8 times out of 10, when you need to buy a top, that being a t-shirt, a blouse, or a button down shirt, they are about 2 inches too short! Why can’t the manufactures figure that the piece not only needs to be larger in width as in the length as well??

And this problem is not only in regular stores, I find the same problem at Lane Bryant and Avenue as well. What do you guys think? All you people out there, do you go through the same problems?